


spero lucem

by Sulat_Patatas



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: F/F, the au where dia's dumb and never told her girlfriend that shes super famous and rich
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 03:18:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15548433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sulat_Patatas/pseuds/Sulat_Patatas
Summary: AU where Dia's a really famous person but Riko doesn't realize it until they're at the red carpet with Riko as Dia's date. The party goes well. The aftermath? Not so much.





	spero lucem

Dia steals a glance at Riko, some random conversation topic itching to come out of her mouth but she swallows it back down, hesitant to call attention. She turns her gaze back down to her lap, smoothens out the non-existent wrinkles of her dress, and looks back at Riko. Tries once more. Fails. Goes back to glaring at her hands as if that would help her resist the urge to start fiddling with the cloth of her dress.

She’s lost how many times she’s done this already, even though it couldn’t have been more than twenty minutes since they’ve gotten in the car. It’s ridiculous, she scolds herself, it wasn’t like they were awkward strangers--Riko’s her _girlfriend_.

But Riko only sits quietly in her seat, staring out the window as the car takes them back home. It’s a far cry from the person that had been with her at the party. There’s no smiles now; no looks of awe that she made as she recalls the past year’s memories in a different light; no hint of the tease who had tugged her along to greet Ayase Eli and get her autograph, despite Dia’s protests.

Dia tries to watch her as subtly as she can, trying to figure out what was on her mind but she can’t read anything. It’s nerve-wrecking, to see her so distant, so seemingly lost in thought that Dia can’t even begin to parse. Regret churns in her stomach, roiling up her chest, and clawing up her throat. She fiddles her bracelet round and round just to distract herself from it. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to take Riko as her date to the red carpet before she even told her that she was famous.

The look of utmost confusion and shock on Riko’s face is still fresh on her mind. It was amusing back then. Now, not so much. Not when Dia can’t get a read on how Riko was truly dealing with the aftermath.

Maybe she should have started the evening with something like, "Hey, honey? I really don't know if you've noticed but I'm actually really famous and the party I invited you to is really high-profile," instead of having all those lights and flashing cameras do the grand reveal of the truth. It might have been a tad overboard.

Another glance at her companion’s unusual stillness makes her scratch that thought. Overboard or not -- and it definitely was, even if she didn’t want to admit it -- this couldn’t be a positive reaction.

Or, maybe, it was?

It wasn’t like Riko had the time to properly digest the information with the party going on in full swing and all the socialization that had went down, right? Who knows, it could be just that.

Optimism tastes a lot like bullcrap, Dia finds.

 

-

 

The rest of the trip back remains uneventful. The apartment is exactly the same as they’ve left it too. It makes Dia even more aware of how different everything feels like--of this wordless, strange _thing_ hanging between her and Riko. It’s awkward in a way that Dia doesn’t know how to fix, doesn’t even know where to begin, and it’s _frustrating_ , ofcourse _,_ but she really doesn’t know what to _do_.

She wants to demand answers. It’s instinctive, more than anything, because she’s used to her words having power to push things around--but that _isn’t_ the right thing to do, not with Riko. She doesn’t want to do that to her, especially not when she’s the one to be blamed for this weird mood, anyway. It just wasn’t right.

But that leaves Dia at a loss for what to do, ruminating in her own thoughts long enough that she doesn’t realize until Riko’s already kissed her cheek, quick but so utterly unexpected that her brain takes a while longer to catch up.

Mumbled words. Dia doesn’t quite catch those either.

“Okay,” she answers anyway, probably looking as confused as she feels. But Riko doesn’t see that, already having gone off towards the kitchen. For a drink, maybe? It’s her best guess. It’s so absurdly normal seeming that she’s left wondering if she’s just imagining the weirdness of the atmosphere.

Shaking her head, Dia tries to think no more of it as she heads to the bathroom herself to wash off her makeup. By the time she’s changed into her nightgown, she feels almost comfortable. It’s all routine by now, being an actress. This is something certain, atleast, and it’s easy enough that hope actually buds in her chest.

Maybe it really is just time that Riko needs. Time to think about what would change between them -- the answer being next to none, Dia would insist. Beyond the awareness of her fame, she’s still the same person so _everything’s_ _fine_ \-- and this should be about enough time, isn’t it.

Spirits higher, Dia heads to their bedroom.

She falters by the doorway. Riko’s not there yet.

“Riko?” She calls out, pausing a moment to listen for any replies. There’s none. She frowns as she looks round the room then back out the hall. Was Riko still in the…?

She pads to the kitchen and finds Riko there, still in her dress, absently staring at nothing with a mug in her hands. The lights haven’t even been turned on. Worry festers itself fast enough that Dia finds herself next to her and finally asking without thinking.

"Riko, are you okay?"

Somehow, Riko grows even more still.  She turns to her slowly, opens her mouth to reply but seemingly changes her mind and opts to merely shrug instead as she places the mug in the sink. Shadows everywhere, even more heavy handed where the light from the hall no longer reaches. Riko’s always been pale. It makes her all the more striking now--a ghost, all hollowed out with the darkness creeping like a living thing that wants. Dia doesn’t like it.

"Is this because I didn't tell you that your girlfriend is actually internationally famous and has a net worth of several hundred million yen," Dia tries lightly, trying to pull a smile from her -- _anything_ to get her to react more than this terrifying blankness -- but Riko simply shrugs again, not even meeting her eyes.

Yeah, Dia definitely messed up. She wants to wring her past self’s neck. Why didn’t she listen to Ruby?

“Riko, I’m still me, you know,” she says softly, carefully taking her hands in hers when Riko doesn’t pull away. Waits until amber eyes finally move up to meet her own. “I realize now that I _should_ have told you earlier, but I promise you, I’m still _me_. None of our time spent together was a lie, even if I didn’t tell you what my work really was or who my family is.”

“...I know,” Riko finally replies and Dia hides a sigh of relief that she was talking to her atleast. Small steps, small things. Calluses of paler hands rub against soft skin as Riko shifts them to tangle their fingers together. A squeeze that her heart echoes, the heavy weight of emotion that presses against her ribs.

Dia wants to kiss Riko. To have her lips against the faint downturn of her mouth and sooth it away. She doesn’t, steadies her breathe instead, and nods for her to continue. Please. She wants to understand too.

“I’ve thought about it,” Riko starts slow, looking down to where their hands are joined. “It’s still you, I guess. Even if I didn’t know, you're still the one who lets me have all the extra egg rolls because you know how much I like them. You’d try to eat too much pudding if nobody stopped you-” Dia makes a face that gets ignored “-and you’ll stay up at 4 in the morning because your favorite artist was having a stream from the other side of the world--those haven't changed. They’re parts of you, famous or not. Even the Dia I saw back at the party is still you. It’s just another part of you being you, I know that.”

"There's a 'but' in there, isn't there?"

Riko smiles at Dia at that, but it's wry and flimsy. Pained, yet the worst part is Dia doesn't think Riko's angry at her at all.

"It's just so strange that there's such a large part of you that I never knew but everyone else did."

"It's really not a big deal, Riko-"

"Is it not really?" Riko interrupts, pulling her hands back as she steps away, and Dia has to force herself to not follow despite her want to. Space. She has to give her space. She’s already done enough things wrong, she won’t add more to it.

Riko rubs her hands over her bare arms, an anxious tick that Dia watches closely, lest it turn worse. Besides preference, there’s another reason why Riko tends to wear sleeves, afterall. But she seems to remember it too and places her hands on the counter instead, leaning her weight as she stares off to the side.

“We’ve been dating for over a year now, haven’t we? More than a year, and I- I never realized. Not even when I saw your face on a magazine the other week. I thought it was from Mari-san. I thought it was _a_ _joke-_ ” A heavy exhale paired with the clenching of a jaw. More anger. Inwards. It’s always _inwards_. Dia wants to tell her to stop. Stop, _stop,_ you don’t deserve this. Dia doesn’t do anything but stand and listen.

"It's not so much about you being famous -- I mean it wasn’t _great_ that you never told me before -- but I can’t stop thinking more about how _blind_ I am." Riko turns her gaze to her hands, curling themselves white on the countertop. "It’s terrifying,” she admits in a whisper. “I know that I’m not the most observant person when it comes to show business and the like, but I just… it’s not just you- it’s about _everything_ and I- I can't help but wonder how much I don't see if I didn't even realize _my own girlfriend_ is known throughout the world."

It all clicks in place.

“Riko.” Dia closes their distance to a mere hand’s reach. “Riko, come over here? Please?” she asks, arms open. Riko doesn’t respond aloud, but she turns and lets herself fall into them. Lets herself be held while Dia thinks of too bright amber, shining, terrible and aching in her chest. Inwards, rarely outwards--she’s a fool to not realize why that was sooner.

"I’m sorry I’ve put you through this,” she starts. Riko makes a noise that Dia interrupts, pressing a hand lightly between her shoulder blades and keeping it there. She’s almost not surprised with how tense it feels. “Listen first, okay? I think you see enough. I think- no, I _know_ that you saw me for who I actually am, rather than just my name or my fame.”

“You saw me and first thought, 'this was the person who ordered a venti-sized espresso.' Not quite my best moment," Dia chuckles, but she turns serious right after. "But that was honestly the best introduction I could have asked for and I wouldn't change it for the world. I don't think I would have let you into my life if you had known who I was back then. And I'm so _glad_ I did because how else would I have known I met the most wonderful person in the world?”

"...The most?"

"Even better than Ayase-san--but don't tell her I said that."

Riko actually laughs at that, shoulders shaking underneath her hands, and Dia feels the knot in her chest loosen with it. Things aren’t okay yet but it’s a start. It’s a good start. She thinks back to everything, pulls out the words she’s kept inside of her, and picks out what she should have let out earlier.

“Riko, you do have your moments of denseness, I admit that. But it doesn’t matter because you see what’s _important_ anyway. You saw _me_. And, yes, it wasn’t all of me but it isn’t your fault. It was so refreshing to have someone not know about it that I didn’t want to tell you. There’s a bit of fear too, of having things change and I was scared of scaring you away with the other part of my life. But that was unfair for me to do to you. You deserved to know and you deserved it sooner than this. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier--I should have.”

It’s quiet for a while. Eventually, Riko nods, ruffling her bangs against her shoulder. “Is there anything else I should know about?”

“Hmm…” Dia tries to not focus about how Riko only acknowledges the apology and makes no mention if she’s forgiven. It’s alright if Riko hasn’t yet; she has that right. It was a lie of omission but, nonetheless, a lie. But she’ll work to make things right. “My family practically owns an entire region of Japan?”

“I’ve figured that one out when we were at the party.”

“Well, then... how about that I love you?”

There’s a short pause where Riko squirms in the hug, pressing herself closer until Dia can feel every next word against her skin. It makes her smile.

“I’ve figured that one too,” Riko had mumbled, muffled against cloth.

“Good.”

“You’re a dork.”

“Excuse me.” Dia makes an affronted gasp. It’s award-winning. “I’m a multi-acclaimed actress since childhood and still graduated top of my classes.”

“Mhmm,” Riko agrees amiably. She looks up at her, a little disheveled from the hug but still so pretty in a way that utterly ruins Dia. “But you’re still also a dork.”

“You’re lucky I like you too much to sue you for slander,” she sighs and presses a kiss on her temple. Riko slides a hand to her neck before she can move away, pulling her close to press their lips together and, yeah, Dia gives it up.

“I love you too,” Riko whispers afterwards, their mouths barely an inch away from the other and, yeah, really, there goes Dia’s heart. There it goes, aching in the best of ways. She smiles and closes the distance once more, absolutely ruined for anything else. She wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> "[omake yoshiko voice] Hey, Lily? When people say 'eat the rich' they don't mean to eat them out, you know?"
> 
> can we talk about how it's canon that Sakurauchi Riko, former student of Otonokizaka and former resident of Tokyo, looked right into Takami Chika's eyes and asked, with all seriousness: "What's a school idol?" 
> 
> i love her so much but this child has the denseness of someone who lives under a rock


End file.
